'I published my diary of abuse to empower others'

When Amy Rose turned distressing diary entries she kept during an abusive relationship into a memoir, she had no idea the impact it would have on others in her position.

The 35-year-old, from Walsall, decided to publish her written "therapy" notes as a way to empower others and document her journey as a domestic abuse survivor.

After the breakdown of her marriage, the divorced mother of two was apprehensive to meet someone new.

Full of hope, she began dating an old friend, spurred by a feeling of "nostalgia" – unaware the next two years of her life would be filled with what she described as manipulation, control and violence.

This story contains references to domestic abuse. If you are affected by any of the issues raised, help and support is available via BBC Action Line.

"I barely had time to turn before his hand was around my throat. Then the pain came - sharp and suffocating; his grip tightened, cutting off my air.

"I kicked and clawed at his arm, panic flooding every inch of my body. I gasped, but no air came. My lungs screamed; black spots danced in my vision.

"This is how it ends. I thought of my boys, of the life I was supposed to be living, the woman I used to be."

This is an account of Ms Rose's experience of the violence she received at the hands of her ex-partner, written in her self-published book, Candles for the Broken Path.

She said writing in her diary provided her with therapy and a way to evidence the abuse she told the BBC she suffered throughout the tumultuous relationship.

"I started writing this as a way of evidencing and therapy, but it has also been a platform to empower other women who have found themselves in the same position as I was."

Her journey began when she met her ex-partner a few months after her marriage of 10 years ended.

Ms Rose said: "I was in a really vulnerable place, and I didn't want to do dating sites. I felt terrified of walking into a pub and talking to someone I didn't know.

"The world seemed a different place to when I met my ex-husband.

"And then I met this person who the book is written about. It felt like nostalgia.

"I knew him previously and it felt like someone I could reminisce with and talk about a previous life from 15 to 20 years ago. It felt comforting."

What began as a loving relationship soon turned sour as she began to witness him exhibit signs of coercive control.

She said: "I think there were telltale little signs throughout that I refused to admit.

"His behaviour changed. He would comment on the way I did the washing up or how I wore my hair.

"And these little moments would spiral and escalate into something bigger.

"Then these words and small little actions turned to violent behaviours. Then those became aimed at me."

She said she clung to "breadcrumbs of positive moments", desperate to believe things would get better.

Isolated from her family and friends, she said the abuse became worse during the last 12 months of the relationship.

She described one "terrifying" moment when she was out with friends where her ex-partner "hacked into her phone" to find her. She said he arrived at the location and began smashing her car.

The final violent incident that finally gave Ms Rose the courage to leave the relationship started when she visited his home one day after work.

She said: "I walked in, and there was this tense air. I felt like I couldn't breathe through it. and I thought this wasn't going to be a good day."

She recalls trying to leave but says her ex-partner did not let her. When she tried to ring a loved one for help, she said he threw her phone from her hand.

"I went through one door, and he didn't let me out; he pushed me against it. I tried for the back door, and he was after me straight away.

"Quicker and bigger and stronger than I was. He threw my phone from my hand, and that made me feel sick inside. I thought my life was done.

"These were the final moments where I thought, if I carry on with this, I'm not going to go home to my [children]."

Ms Rose said she reported the abuse to West Midlands Police but feels disappointed in the lack of communication that she has received from the force.

"Since it's gone to an investigation, the communication hasn't been there at all. At times the police have really made me feel like it's one word against another or it's not as serious as it should be.

"I think I'm quite strong, but what if they're dealing with women who are terrified? I think they would almost silence that. We've got to do better."

A statement from the police said a man was arrested on suspicion of harassment and stalking involving fear of violence.

He remains on police bail while their investigation continues. The force said survivors of domestic abuse were their priority.

The statement said: "We realise our investigative updates to the complainant could have been better, and we are determined to improve our service to her and all the people suffering domestic abuse who we are supporting.

"To that end, we have given a full update in the last week and will continue to keep her informed as our enquiries continue.

"We're working with partner agencies to give support to her throughout the investigation and will continue to do so.

"In 2023, we also changed how we respond to reports of domestic abuse. We introduced the domestic abuse desk, which aims to provide the highest quality of service to victims, using officers who only deal with domestic abuse."

Ms Rose said she had received support from Women's Aid and was arranging to volunteer with the charity to help raise awareness for others suffering abuse.

Ms Rose works with 44 schools across the Ormiston Academies Trust, teaching children between the ages of 11 and 18 how to communicate difficult subject matters

A part of her role, she helps teenagers learn the signs of coercive control and abusive behaviour - which she had once become a victim of.

"I've always seen myself as a strong, educated woman, but even I didn't speak out.

"So, if at the age of 11 these kids feel like they can't talk to people and we don't tackle that, those are the ones that I'm worried about.

"We've got to speak out, and we've got others feel confident enough to feel heard and supported," she said.

Michael Riley, principal of Ormiston Shelfield Community Academy in Walsall, said the work Ms Rose does at the school is "vital" for students.

"It's really important work that Amy does. It's important that students have a safe space to listen to topics that make them upset and talk through what [it] means to them – but also what experiences they may have of them," he added.

Since her book was published, Ms Rose said she had received an outpouring of support from women in a similar position. "It's been insane to be honest. I feel quite honoured they feel in a safe space to share that with me.

"It's women who have been through it and can relate. They've chosen me to speak out to, which makes me truly emotional. Its wonderful and really empowering."

Anyone who is experiencing domestic abuse can report it via Live Chat on the police website or ring 101.

Alternatively, victims can contact Women's Aid for independent support and advice if they are not ready to make a formal police report.

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