Being fostered with my baby 'made me a better mum'

Harry Kille-Smith & Emily Ford
BBC News, Ferndown
Lydia says she could not have been a mum to Casper without the support of Fru and her family

It has been three years since new mum Lydia went into a mental healthcare unit with her 12-week-old son.

She says she had reached breaking point and "was in a really tough place" after being diagnosed with post-natal depression.

But with the support of a parent and child foster scheme, the 23-year-old says she was able to keep her son, Casper, and "become a better mum".

Fru Bird, from Ferndown, is the only foster carer offering this type of support in Dorset, which she says is all about being "authentic and compassionate".

'Fighting for their child'

The 53-year-old is an approved foster carer through Dorset Council and has been opening up her family home to help parents and their children for the past five years.

Her work involves giving people a safe place to bond with their child and develop their parenting skills, while Fru observes to help with court assessments.

"It's about helping the parent understand 'fighting for their child' often means managing the mundane tasks of parenting," Fru explains.

"No-one comes into this having had an easy life - the reason why it's needed is there are difficulties, typically mental health is an issue, domestic violence, drugs and alcohol.

"Those three things generally come together in some kind of combination and, if you've been through some awful experiences, trust is really hard."

Dorset Council Fru is holding a baby and grinning at the camera. She has greying light brown hair tied back in a low bun and wears black thick-framed glasses and brown and gold stud earrings. She wears and red and white floral print v neck t shirt with a silver chain necklace. The baby has some light blonde hair and blue eyes and wears a pale blue cotton jumper with a white and blue striped bib.Dorset Council
Fru has been supporting parents with their children in Dorset for the last five years

Lydia says her upbringing was "really tough at times".

"I love my family and they did the best they could but I fell into really dark relationships during my teenage years, so my life got really off track," she explains.

Lydia worked as a full-time carer and says she gave everything to the job and "the other bit of me I gave into my relationships, so I wasn't anyone really".

Feeling a loss of identity after having Casper, Lydia says she became unwell.

"When you have a baby, it really sucks, but you do lose some of your personality - your identity becomes the child because you put everything into them."

'Fru is Casper's godmum'

During her three-month stay at the mental health unit, Lydia was diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder and was recommended to stay with Fru and her family.

She says: "The concept of giving pretty much full rein to another family and not knowing what you're walking into, it's hard.

"Now we come every Sunday for lunch, which is really lovely and we get to spend time with the whole family, because they are my family now - we've been basically adopted without the official things and Fru is also Casper's godmum."

Fru Bird Fru and Lydia are standing either side of baby Casper and grinning widely. Lydia has long blonde hair tied up in a ponytail and wears a black cotton short sleeved t shirt. She is holding onto Casper in the middle, who wears a long sleeve black jumper with white stars on it and has short blonde curly hair. Fru is smiling and has her hair tied back and wears frameless glasses and a black cotton t shirt speckled with paint splats and reads 'Vantastic' along the front.Fru Bird
Lydia says Fru and her family are also her family now and they see each other every Sunday

Dorset Council hopes to have at least five parent and child foster carers in the region.

Fru says that to offer this support you "just have to have a spare room and a heart".

"The most important thing it you're authentic, you're quite open about the way you live," she adds.

"I think it's really important you don't over-promise to someone who has difficulties trusting, otherwise you let them down and then you're just in the same category as everyone else who ever let them down."

You can follow BBC Dorset on Facebook, X (Twitter), or Instagram.

Related Links