'My house was so out of control, I felt ashamed'

Kirstie knew it was time to ask for help, but she was scared. "I was so embarrassed," she says.

The mother-of-three's house in Ipswich had got out of control after a traumatic event left her bedbound.

"I had a stillborn baby girl in May 2022 and I had to carry on for my other two children but every day was a struggle and I spent months in bed," she explains.

Every surface of the house was covered in clutter and one of the three bedrooms was out of bounds because it was full of broken furniture, so her six-year-old son and nine-year-old daughter had to share a room.

The dining room was full of baby items like a crib and bouncer and pram that Kirstie could not bear to look at.

"Both myself and my husband Stephen really struggled with our mental health and we couldn't keep on top of the house," she says.

"I was using so much energy to support the children and go back to work, I just had nothing left."

The NHS worker conceived another baby but it was a high-risk pregnancy, leaving her anxiety "through the roof".

She started having therapy at home, but a visiting nurse struggled to find space to sit down.

When their baby son was born, Kirstie knew it was not the ideal environment for him. After a week in the neonatal unit, she worried about bringing him home.

They looked into decluttering services but they were too expensive for her and her husband, who works in a supermarket.

"I took some photos of the house and I was so nervous, I was shaking, but I showed the leader of a baby group I went to, who got in touch with a health visitor who referred me to the charity Dora Brown," the 37-year-old says.

The Suffolk charity has a team of 80 volunteers who transform homes, free-of-charge, for families living in crisis.

Ten volunteers pitched up at Kirstie's house in June and "got stuck in". They sorted everything into piles of items to be thrown away, kept, recycled or given to charity.

They gave them more storage and took away their rubbish and even their dirty laundry, later bringing it back and putting it away.

"When you're really depressed and really overwhelmed, these things feel like huge, insurmountable tasks. I was just trying to get through each day.

"It was such a positive experience and there was absolutely no judgement," she says.

Kirstie was brave to let the charity into her home, says its director, Jo Revett.

"We go through every single belonging that they have and we are in their private space and it can feel overwhelming for them.

"A huge part of our ethos is that there is no judgement. The family work with us on the day and we try to make it fun."

Dora Brown was founded in 2020 and helped eight families in its first year of operating. Last year, it supported 31 families, with a similar number this year.

Most Dora families have experienced a life-changing event such as a bereavement or perhaps domestic violence, she says. Many are living in poverty and with the challenges of a disability or mental and physical health issues.

Referrals come through social services, or schools and GPs, but the charity also allows people to request help themselves or for a friend or family member.

"Sometimes they are just beaten down by life. A typical Dora home is very cluttered, full of belongings and broken items. It's a home that hasn't been cleaned in a very long time," Jo says.

"But we do also see homes that are completely bare because people can't afford furniture. Most homes have black mould. Often we find family members sharing beds."

The charity tries to make it as easy as possible for its mainly female volunteers to help.

"Some people come every week. Some come once or twice a year and that's fine. It's weirdly fun and the volunteers are so good at putting the families at ease. People come back because they can see the immediate impact," she says.

"We're like a crisis response. A lot of the time our families just need a fresh start to get back on track. The physical work not only creates a clean, clear, practical place to live but it has an impact on health and self esteem. And it's really important for the children to see there is another way to live, it breaks the cycle."

The charity, which has a waiting list of families needing help, hopes to expand across England, but that depends on funding and for now it is "small but mighty" with six part-time staff.

For Kirstie and her family, the intervention has been life changing. She now feels confident to have people round. Her children can have play dates, they are all sleeping better and enjoying spending time together as a family again.

"My daughter is learning an instrument and now she has her own bedroom she can go there and practise. We spend a lot of time in the living room together. It's so much easier to maintain now," she says.

They recently celebrated their son's first birthday with a party at home and this is the first Christmas for several years that they have got space to put up a Christmas tree.

"We're in a really good place now and I'm so grateful to the charity for taking away the constant shame and worry."

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