'I thought he loved me - but he was my stalker'

Jadzia Samuel
BBC Sussex
BBC The silhouette of a woman sits in front of a window with a gloomy landscape outsideBBC
Sarah struggled to realise her ex-partner's behaviour would be classed as stalking

A Sussex woman has said she suffered her ex-boyfriend's threatening behaviour for more than a year before realising he was stalking her.

Sarah (not her real name) broke up with her partner of 11 years after he began abusing substances.

After the split, she said he would text constantly, send abusive messages, and began turning up on her street after she moved out of their shared house.

"I mistook it for love," she said. "I still didn't recognise it for what it was."

Sarah finally decided to contact the police after he threatened to contact her friends and family.

'It broke my heart'

She said she understood she was a victim of stalking once she spoke to a police officer.

"You think of stalking being a man in a bush or hiding behind net curtains," she explained.

"I didn't expect someone I loved would do this to me."

Sarah's stalker was issued with a restraining order by police.

"It broke my heart," she said. "I've never felt pain like it."

Despite the restraining order, Sarah's stalker continued to follow, threaten, and harass her.

She said she wanted him to get psychological help and added she was still working with officers on her case.

A female police officer with glasses sits in front of a wooden doorway
Det Sgt Kerri Bartup works with Sussex Police's Complex Domestic Abuse and Stalking Unit

Sarah's story is not unique.

Sussex Police received 1,950 reports of stalking in 2022/23, which increased to 2,283 reports by the following year.

The Office for National Statistics has estimated that more than 20% of women and nearly 10% of men in England and Wales will be a victim of stalking by the age of 59.

Det Sgt Kerri Bartup said Sussex Police took these crimes seriously.

Alongside arresting perpetrators, the force runs a behavioural intervention programme.

"The vast majority of those who complete the programme don't go on to reoffend," she said.

However, Det Sgt Bartup said there was more the police could do to tackle the crime.

"We would like our conviction rates to be higher," she said.

She said Sussex Police "constantly reviews its processes" to improve, and it works with partner agencies to bring cases to court.

Meanwhile, Sarah said she wanted her story to help others in similar situations to understand they may be victims of stalking.

"You need to report it," she said.

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