'I had to tell my boys their fireman daddy had died'

On the morning of 23 January 2023 Shelley Martin was working from home in Fife when she heard about a fire at the former Jenners department store in Edinburgh.

She knew her husband, Barry, would be sent to tackle the blaze as his base was nearby. But she felt reassured by initial reports that there were no casualties.

''I remember sending him a little message to say 'hope you're alright, I know you'll be at the fire', not expecting a reply because I knew he wouldn't reply on duty," she recalled.

However, about 16:15 a fire liaison officer knocked on the door. Everything changed.

Barry had been critically injured.

He died in hospital four days later.

Shelley told BBC Scotland News that she was "in shock" and it was "extremely difficult" to process the news about Barry, who she had been with for 20 years.

Telling the couple's eight-year-old twin boys Oliver and Daniel was one of the hardest things she had to do.

They had been playing Cluedo, in their grandparents' home, when she came in from hospital to tell them their dad had died.

''That has to be one of the most traumatic, awful parts of my life, having to tell those wee boys their daddy had died," she says.

''I told them daddy had died and I held them. I held them for as long as they needed me to hold them.''

She involved their twin boys with everything after Barry's death, except the decision not to let them see their dad because of his injuries.

The investigation into the fire on Princes Street has not concluded.

At its height, more than 100 firefighters and 22 fire appliances were at the scene of the "serious and complex fire".

Police Scotland's Det Supt John Morrison said the force's thoughts "remain with Barry's family, friends and colleagues."

He added that police inquiries were continuing.

Shelley is still waiting for the findings of the official investigation into what went wrong.

''It's really frustrating, it is, but I do understand why," she says.

"It's to get answers for Barry because he deserves that and his children deserve that.''

However, her greatest concern is for young people trying to cope with the most difficult deaths.

Although she received bereavement support, her sons did not.

''I was given immediate trauma intervention, supplied through the fire service because line of duty positions will have access to a trauma service," she explains.

"That was great for me, but I was surprised to learn that there wasn't anything for children.''

People lined the streets of Edinburgh's Royal Mile for his funeral procession, as leaders of the country and the city joined firefighters, friends and family to pay their respects.

''It is a worst nightmare that this will happen to anybody, and I think it's even harder when it's in the public eye," says Shelley.

''Lots of people went into that building, they're all heroes. Even being willing to go and do that job is heroic, so to us he was always a hero.

''The firefighter funeral was something that Barry deserved. He told me about what would happen if anything ever happened to him and I already knew that that would be a fitting tribute for him and so it was absolutely necessary.

''No matter how awful it felt at times, how much I hated to be standing and having everybody see us in our grief, I knew it was the right thing to do.''

The family have set up a foundation in Barry's memory that they hope will help families bereaved in traumatic circumstances.

They are making a book called Barry the Brave and are developing prototypes of a therapy Barry Bear to help other children cope with traumatic bereavement - with the couple's sons Oliver and Daniel heavily involved.

Oliver, 10, said ''At night they can cuddle Barry Bear or just take it along with them if they want and I think it will work pretty well''

His twin Daniel added: "There is a little poem on one side which will help. It says 'Hold me close, carry me near, with me here, you have nothing to fear'.''

Shelley has changed career following Barry's death, having previously been a civil servant. She had been applying for a promotion the day of the Jenners fire.

She is now studying law as well as running the Barry Martin Foundation, but admits that life without her husband remains "'incredibly challenging and very disorientating" at times.

She said it was like trying to navigate a ship in "extremely stormy" seas.

"For twenty years I was anchored, and I was with this man and had this family, and the anchor's just gone so I'm just bobbing along and there's no direction.

"What I've come now to learn, and it's probably taken the two years to get to this point, is that this is permanent and so I'm trying to adapt to that.''

''Let's find a little bit of joy in every day if we can - I think that's what we have to do.''